Joel Stein, a columnist for the Los Angeles Times has written a humorous account of his rigorous training to become an insufferable classical music critic. Here's the first paragraph:
"A few years ago, I began working toward my retirement goal of being an intolerable old man. I'm way ahead of schedule on knowing enough about wine to bore anyone, but classical music has proved much more difficult, largely because no matter how much you listen, it does not get you drunk."
You can chuckle your way through the rest of the article here.